Hold On

The other day I had dinner with some of my dearest friends.  It was the usual for us….wine, salad, whipped garlic and arabic bread, a healthy marinara dish.  We spoke of  jobs, relationships, diets.  Three of us got right into our usual analysis, the complexities of masculine versus feminine and the road to emasculation.  The other one of us who happens to embody  masculine made fun of us, playfully insulting our insight.

We bitched a little, ate a little,  laughed a little, drank a little, reflected a little.

Yes..it was an ordinary night of our usual loveliness.

and then…..

we shaved our friend’s head.

Breast cancer. Aggressive. Chemotherapy. Hair falling out.

My dear friend took off her hat, exposing her patchy head. We marveled at her beauty..still present, even without her usual thick shiny head of hair.   We pulled a stool into the bathroom.  Our “masculine” friend decided to be the shaver. (We let her as we didn’t want her to feel emasculated).  She lathered her head up and began, carefully, softly, lovingly shaving the remains of our friend’s hair.

As we watched….and talked…..sharing stories and wine.

I deliberately slowed time in my mind……I allowed myself to take it all in… this significant and important moment.  I let my soul capture the experience which was overflowing with life and love and the connection of all beings. Friendship…truth…..beauty.  I let my mind travel back in time, to when I first met my beautiful friend with her long hair, healthy lifestyle, and interesting viewpoints.  The past seems so innocent and vulnerable when seen from the future which is now the present that has brought with it life altering circumstances.

I took a mental snapshot of the scene that I was experiencing. I did not ever want to forget the image of my pretty friend….emitting more beauty and light in this tender occasion of complete exposure.  I did not ever want to forget the precious feeling of true friendship and love………I breathed it in and absorbed as much of it as I could, filling my soul with strength and the knowledge that

there is nothing in this world that can break down the pure power, the rapture, the positive vibrations and beams of love that sparkle from our souls.

We are the lucky ones…no matter our life circumstances.

If we can just hold on…to the moments….and to each other.

and then we had dessert.

Crossing the Line but Closer to Fine

I just reread my blog from yesterday.

Oh my!  It started out so well…my India Arie Inspiration-Filled Day.

Apparently there is a fine line between a sunshine-loving, universe hugging, beautiful flower and a crazy ass bitch.   I crossed the line around noon.

The whole mission of this blog is to share positive energy and motivate women to be empowered by their best selves, to live in light and love.  Inspiration through Freedomseeking, Dreampushing, and Truthtelling.

Today I hope to inspire you with some Truthtelling:

It can be incredibly, painfully, devastatingly, overwhelmingly, impossibly difficult to live in light all the time.  Like The Indigo Girls say in my favorite song ever (Closer to Fine) ~ “darkness has a hunger that’s unsatiable and lightness has a call that’s hard to hear.”  Well, yesterday the darkness swallowed my lightness whole and then shit it out.Of course I can’t tell you the whole truth and nothing but the truth because I have to protect the privacy of my life.  Oh and also you have to wait for the book version (coming soon in all its juicy scandalous glory.)

Regardless, I send my daughters off to school each day with these words:  “Have a good day.  Make good choices. Let your light shine through.”  Picture my singsongy voice and two middle school girls rolling their eyes of course.

So here I am once again…..beginning this day….this NEW day…..by trying to follow my own advice. I’m laundering yesterday’s shit-covered darkness and soaking my soul in light and shiny hopefulness.

Of course, it does help immensely that I’m heading to Lake Erie to create some “Soulshine” with a sista who will remind me that it’s only life after all and that every new day will take me Closer to Fine.

As I try