Crossing the Line but Closer to Fine

I just reread my blog from yesterday.

Oh my!  It started out so well…my India Arie Inspiration-Filled Day.

Apparently there is a fine line between a sunshine-loving, universe hugging, beautiful flower and a crazy ass bitch.   I crossed the line around noon.

The whole mission of this blog is to share positive energy and motivate women to be empowered by their best selves, to live in light and love.  Inspiration through Freedomseeking, Dreampushing, and Truthtelling.

Today I hope to inspire you with some Truthtelling:

It can be incredibly, painfully, devastatingly, overwhelmingly, impossibly difficult to live in light all the time.  Like The Indigo Girls say in my favorite song ever (Closer to Fine) ~ “darkness has a hunger that’s unsatiable and lightness has a call that’s hard to hear.”  Well, yesterday the darkness swallowed my lightness whole and then shit it out.Of course I can’t tell you the whole truth and nothing but the truth because I have to protect the privacy of my life.  Oh and also you have to wait for the book version (coming soon in all its juicy scandalous glory.)

Regardless, I send my daughters off to school each day with these words:  “Have a good day.  Make good choices. Let your light shine through.”  Picture my singsongy voice and two middle school girls rolling their eyes of course.

So here I am once again…..beginning this day….this NEW day…..by trying to follow my own advice. I’m laundering yesterday’s shit-covered darkness and soaking my soul in light and shiny hopefulness.

Of course, it does help immensely that I’m heading to Lake Erie to create some “Soulshine” with a sista who will remind me that it’s only life after all and that every new day will take me Closer to Fine.

As I try

Inspiration India Arie

Yesterday was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.  and that is an understatement.

Today is a new day.

and the universe wrapped its loving arms around me on this Monday morning.  It gave me some sunshine and then it gave my heart an itinerary for the day when I turned on the radio.  The first song.

I accepted this gift today with much gratitude. and continued on this path filling up my mind and soul and heart with more inspiration from India Arie.

So if you happen to be going through some blah-ness too…..

and lastly……..

Pay attention to the signs that are dropped into your day from the universe.  If you’re reading this… you probably needed it too.

xo

A Nun, A Hooker, and Me

Isn’t it amazing??!! We have this one life…this one very life that we’re living. The power that we have over this one life is really quite extraordinary.  We can mold our life..this one life….and change it at any step of the way.  We have the power and the authority to make choices to completely change our life and its direction.

I was just thinking…I could very well decide to become a nun right now if I so desired.  and my life would then completely change… and my journey..my path would be so entirely different…..habits and a whole new set of sisters…

I could decide to become a hooker even. I could! I could direct myself to go down the hooker path with drugs, and darkness, and danger.  Yep. As I’m the artist of my own life…I can mold it into whatever I choose.

But then…. could I really do that?  Would that person be me still? The me that fills up my insides?   It seems like my soul would have to resonate with the choices that I make in order to move down any path.  There must be this one soul…yes of course….but a soul that likes what it likes and knows who it is and says yes when the body does things it approves of …..the soul says yes this makes me happy. Yes you are on the right track. Yes keep pushing forward in this direction because it’s where we need to go..to learn…to teach…to make a difference…and push past.

And then there’s synchronicity:  “an apparently meaningful coincidence in time of two or more similar or identical events that are causally unrelated”.

The universe seems to always butt in at the right times when your soul is going in the wrong direction. For example, I bet your bottom dollars that if I tried to become a nun, I would go through nun college or whatever it is that you do to become a nun..and the teacher would just so happen to be a hot priest questioning his own path…and he would just so happen to be the man of my dreams and we would run away together throwing our habit and collar behind us.  I’m picturing us running toward a sunset. Yep. I am..

And then if I decided to go the hooker route….high-class of course. I bet I would be on my way to my very first appointment and I would be wearing those clear uber high hooker shoes…and I would fall and break my neck. Then I would probably be rushed to the hospital where I would reside for a few weeks or months or however long it takes to heal a broken neck and I would talk to my favorite nurse every day who would tell me that I have a very powerful story to tell and that I should write a book…and she would just so happen to be best friends with a publisher who was very interested to hear my story.  and then I would be famous. The would-be hooker that broke her neck because it was written in the stars for her to be a famous author. Yepppp…..

and what was my point anyways?

We can mold our life like artists using clay to create change. and then the universe will butt in and sweet synchronicity will take you to where you are meant to go.

The end.

The Power to Be

This week I decided to get off my ass.  I made the choice to start fresh. start new. move forward.  I had been paralyzed for some time, dealing with the grieving that comes with an ending to something you thought would last forever~ a marriage.  When you’re in a marriage, you have your ideas about what is “supposed to be” ingrained in your mind, soul, and heart. Your future, while always uncertain, contains a security based on the idealism of forever.  Clearly, my soul and heart needed the time and space that this paralysis offered to catch up to my head and to reality.  To filter out what “could have been” and what was “supposed to be” with what “is”.  I was overwhelmed with a life ahead of me that was now open to ANYTHING. ….ANYTHING I wanted…which was EVERYTHING…and EVERYTHING paralyzed me into NOTHING.  and that’s where I got caught up in….doing NOTHING.

In conjunction with my week of starting new, I happened across a TREASURE at the bookstore that LEAPED and TWIRLED right into my soul.  It’s called Inner Excavation by one of my favorite bloggers, Liz Lamoreux.  (I found her blog via one of my favorite photographers, Vivienne McMaster whose work is also included in this book).  The book is all about expression…about finding and exploring your “self” using creativity such as photography, poetry, words, and mixed media…which just so happen to be all of my very favorite things…my passions!

So I woke up on Monday, put my big girl pants on, got out into the world, dropped off applications, faxed important documents, and tackled financial lists.  I was on fire!  I did all these things keeping in mind that I was going to reward myself with an “Inner Excavation” self portrait photo shoot. I was going to capture me with the fresh eyes of a new day and all the possibilities before me.   

What did I see when I looked at me?  I saw the beauty of a regular girl.  A woman who is not perfect, but who knows what works for her….what angles, what poses, what thoughts and visions that can capture her true self in a moment, a woman who knows who she was, who she is, and who she wants to become.

Isn’t it true? We DO know what works for us. We do know deep inside in our heart and gut what is right for us…what makes our soul sing …what makes us leap and twirl. Yet, we ignore our longings and yearnings by getting caught up in codependent tendencies.  We put others first, or we waste our time thinking about and judging their behavior and actions so that we don’t have to LOOK at ourselves and focus on what would make us truly happy. We ignore the deepest part of ourselves…the part that radiates our true beauty because we are probably paralyzed with fear.

One of my favorite songs is Suddenly I see by KT Tunstall.  Listen to the video and use the words in her song as inspiration. Then go out and give yourself the gift of a self portrait photo shoot.  Look at yourself.  Your face is a map of the world.  You’re a beautiful girl.  Give yourself the power to be. The power to give. The power to see.  We need to know that who we are inside is exactly who we should be on the outside.   BEING involves BECOMING.

The Good Wife Guide

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, let us be grateful that it is no longer 1961.

The Good Wife Guide
This is an ACTUAL extract from a Home Economics textbook printed in 1961.

1. Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return from work. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favorite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.

2. Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him.  His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
3. Clear away the clutter.. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Gather up school books, toys, papers etc. and then run a dust cloth over the tables. During the colder months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by.

4. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum.

5. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him. Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him , but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first, remember his topics of conversation are more important than yours. Make the evening his.

6. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.

7. Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit. Don’t greet him with complaints and problems. Don’t complain if he’s late home for dinner, or even stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day. Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange the pillow and offer to take off his shoes.

8. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice. Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness.

9. Once he has had a chance to have his evening meal clear the dishes and wash up promptly. If your husband should offer to help decline his offer as he may feel obliged to repeat this offer and after a long working day he does not need the extra work. Encourage your husband to pursue his hobbies and interests and be supportive without seeming to encroach. If you have any little hobbies yourself try not to bore him speaking of these, as women’s interests are often rather trivial compared to men’s.

10. At the end of the evening tidy the home ready for the morning and again think ahead to his breakfast needs. Your husband’s breakfast is vital if he is to face the outside world in a positive fashion.

11. Once you have both retired to the bedroom prepare yourself for bed as promptly as possible. Whilst feminine hygiene is of the utmost importance your tired husband does not want to queue for the bathroom as he would have to do for his train. But remember to look your best when going to bed. Try to achieve a look that is welcoming without being obvious. If you need to apply face-cream or hair-rollers wait until he is asleep as this can be shocking to a man last thing at night.

12. When it comes to the possibility of intimate relations with your husband  it is important to remember your marriage vows and in particular your commitment to obey him. If he feels that he needs to sleep immediately then so be it. In all things be lead by your husband’s wishes, do not pressure him in any way to stimulate intimacy. Should your husband suggest congress then accede humbly all the while being mindful that a man’s satisfaction is more important than a woman’s.

13. When he reaches his moment of fulfillment a small moan from yourself is encouraging to him and quite sufficient to indicate any enjoyment that you may have had. Should your husband suggest any of the more unusual practices be obedient and uncomplaining but register any reluctance by remaining silent. It is likely that your husband will then fall promptly asleep so adjust your clothing, freshen up and apply your night time face and hair care products. You may then set the alarm so that you can arise shortly before him in the morning. This will enable you to have his morning cup of tea ready when he awakes.

Embracing the Ebb

Today I woke up…feeling unhealthy…negative….depressed…..feeling the flow of my life and its creativity come to a halt. Slam!  Was it that my kids were home from school invading my precious territory of peace and quiet …..or the weight of needing a job..a big girl job…to make money and provide some independence…Blah. ..or simply the bloated result of the massive amounts of tequila and salt in my steady diet of margaritas as I avoid responsibility, fitness, and progress?

Regardless, last week I was flowing….designing a business, creating art and completely inspired….and this week I’m EBBING.  (and No ~ I’m not PMS-ing!)

So I set out to enjoy a day of depression without feeling guilty about it, as even optimists are allowed to  wallow in their own misery from time to time.   My idea was to watch a few sad movies, have a good cry, swear, not shower, steal some of my kids’ Halloween candy…and just feel sorry for myself.

After my coffee, I went into my bedroom to retreat under my covers and immerse myself in worry, negative energy, and darkness.  As I lay there, one of my favorite books in the whole wide world which sits beside my bed started calling to me. “Simple Abundance”.  It’s pink so how I could I resist for god’s sakes!  I decided I would allow myself to read today’s inspiration. Just one!  I opened my favorite pink book of positivity and inspiration feeling the guilt as I was about to cheat my dark side.

The title?! “Embracing the Ebb” . I. Shit. You. Not.  ….and this is what I read:

~~~~There once was a mighty queen with a short fuse. One autumn, as the year was  beginning to ebb, the queen fell into a deep melancholy. She could neither eat nor slumber, and tears of an unknown origin fell frequently, which infuriated her, triggering angry fits that made those around her quake in fear.

“Surely., there must be someone who knows the source of my suffering. ” The queen cried in despair.

Finally, the royal gardener was moved by compasion for the poor woman and slowly approached her throne.

“Majesty, it is not your body or your mind that is ailing. It is your soul that is i n need of healing.  For while you are a mighty and powerful queen, you are not Divine.  You are suffering from a human condition that afflicts us all.  Earthly souls ebb and flow in sorrow and joy according to the seasons of life, death, and rebirth.  These are the days to be grateful for the harvest of the heart, however humble it might be, and to prepare for the coming of the year’s closure.  Even now, the season of daylight diminishes and the time of darkness increases.  But the true Light is never extinguished in the natural world, and it is the same in your soul.  Embrace the ebb, my beloved Queen, and do not fear the darkness.  For as night follows day, the Light will return and you will know contented hours once again. Of this I am sure.”

The unhappy queen considered this wisdom thoughtfully and asked the gardener how she possessed the secret knowledge of inner peace during the seasons of emotion. The gardener led her to a brass sundial. It read: This too, shall pass. ~~~~

What can I say? The Universe fricking loves me! Now I’m going to get back to my ebbing…secure in my oneness with Mother Nature….and sweet synchronicity.