I’m getting divorced. It’s every bit as hard as everyone always says. Where once I was filled with life…I am now battling fear and anxiety. So I’ve not been able to offer much inspiration lately. When I think about writing, I get scared…scared of what will come out….Scared of feeling my feelings any more than I have to.
There have been very bad days…days where I’m stewing in toxic feelings of hate and anger…which produces a very mean Andrea…..The kind of me that turns passion into rage and engages in viciousness. Violent eruptions..oh yes…they only feel good for a moment. Verbalizing my intentions of casting a spell on my soon-to-be ex-husband to eternal erectile dysfunction also doesn’t relieve the awful feelings I am frought with. This only leads to questions about my sanity. Worry not…these days, they have pills for all of this.
When exhausted from my bout with hate, I question where these feelings could take me…so very far away from who I am… who I wish to be… I take a deep breath and find it in me to recover the power that I know I have…..the power over my own sweet self….for I have superpowers of optimism, hope, and gratitude.
It also helps that I really do have a magic wand. My sweet soul sista Gypsy bought it for me as I embark on a totally new beginning….to help create a new enchanting life. This beautiful magic wand is hanging up next to my bed to remind me that I have a magical solution to any difficult problem. The power is within me..and I believe that with all of my heart.
So..armed with my magic wand, I get back in touch with those superpowers of optimism, hope, and gratitude. I put my favorite pajamas on…sweet and sexy. I light my candles for peace and serenity. I find my meditation music to relax my mind, body, and spirit. I spray my sheets with a beautiful scent. I get into bed with my favorite healing books. Then I take responsibility for my part in creating the space in life where I find myself (Thank you to Louise Hay and one of my favorite books: You Can Heal Your Life)……because I know that when I nurture myself and pamper my tender heart… it will allow me to live in light and love…and that’s where the magic is.